Most writers assume the struggle is just part of the deal. That if writing feels hard, they must be doing something wrong, or not working hard enough, or not talented enough. What if none of that is true?
In this episode, I explore why so many writers, especially the ones who want it most, find themselves grinding through every session instead of gaining momentum. The culprit isn’t your outline. It isn’t your concept. It isn’t your skill level.
It’s closer than you think, and simpler than you’d expect. And it has nothing to do with your writing ability.
You’ll walk away from this episode with a completely different relationship to your writing sessions, one that makes showing up feel lighter, more sustainable, and more like the experience you wanted when you first decided to write this book.
If you’ve ever sat down to write and felt the weight of everything the book has to be, everything it has to prove, everything that’s riding on it, this episode is for you.
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Episode at a glance:
[02:53] Releasing Attachment On Outcome
Olympic Gold Metalist Alysa Lui wasn’t attached to the outcome. She was at the Olympics to share her joy of skating. She wasn’t there to win the gold. She was there to immerse herself in the joy of skating and share that with the world. Getting the gold was an after-effect of that.
[03:21] Taking Creative Control
Alysa insisted on owning the creative experience. She told her coaches she was going to eat what she wanted, when she wanted, she would choose her own music and have a hand in the choreography.
If she felt she was skating too much, she would rest. And if she thought she wasn’t skating enough, she would ramp it up
[03:48] Nothing to Lose
Every second, you’re gaining something. This sounds simple, but it’s one of the most radical things a person can believe, especially when they’re in the middle of doing something hard and challenging.
Alysa was competing at the highest level of her sport. The stakes were real. Yet she had found a way to hold all of that: the training, the pressure, the years of work – without gripping it, without attaching herself to the outcome so tightly that the fear of losing it became the thing running the show.
She wasn’t detached. She cared deeply. But she wasn’t attached to the outcome. And those two things are completely different.
[14:56] Why Writing Feels Hard
When you want something badly, you also become aware of everything you could lose. You walk into every writing session carrying the weight of what it would mean if this doesn’t work out. And that weight, that low-grade anxiety, is in the room with you every time you open your document. It’s sitting in the chair next to you. And you’re trying to write with all of that, and it’s shutting down the part of your brain that keeps you writing with joy – that keeps you in the flow.
No wonder the work feels hard. No wonder the work feels heavy. You’re not just writing, you’re writing while simultaneously managing a risk assessment.
[07:25] The Secret to Non-Attachment
Writers who write books that readers connect to, that readers are eager to read, know that the fear of losing something is only possible when you believe you already have something to lose. Wherever you are in your process, there’s nothing to lose, only something to build.
08:06] Nothing to Lose
Every time you sit down to write, you are gaining something. A clearer sense of your character, a paragraph that surprised you, a scene that finally clicked, an understanding of what your story is actually about that you didn’t have yesterday. Even a bad writing session, even the days where everything you write feels like you should just trash it, you are gaining something. You’re learning what the book is and what it isn’t.
There is no version of sitting down to write where you lose ground. You only ever move forward. The moment you start believing that, I mean, really believing it in your body, not just as a concept, something shifts, the grip loosens, the sessions get lighter, the work starts to feel more joyful, more like a thriving practice.
11:29] Looking for the Gain
The next time you sit down to write and the anxiety or fear shows up, and it will show up, I want you to ask yourself one question. What am I gaining right now?
Are you gaining more insight into your story? Are you gaining more self-compassion, self-acceptance? Or compassion for the people you might be basing your characters on? Are you gaining more writing skill?
Because the answer is always something. Always. You’re gaining the next sentence, the next paragraph, the next small, imperfect, genuinely your step toward the book that’s waiting for you on the other side of all this struggle. There is nothing to lose. Every time you sit down to write, you’re gaining something, even when it feels like you’re not.
Links Mentioned In This Episode:
Alysa Lui’s Gold Medal Free Skate
Alysa Lui On Hitting Rock Bottom
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